Change. Everything is changing. My life is changing. I, too, am changing. The world outside looks different, foreign, and beautiful. It's quiet and still, as though it is waiting for me, reaching for me. There are things, small things, big things, wonderful things, that I notice much closer now.Things that distract me and catch my eyes differently. It's as though my heart wants to grab every detail in remembrance and capture it in its own little photographs. I play these photographs my heart has taken over and over in my head, and I place them along the walls of my soul.
These are
my beautiful things.
I cherish these ornaments of love and familiar warmth deeply, they are parts of me that make me whole. I find myself looking towards the decor along my heart and soul, in times of uncertainty and anxiousness, to find comfort and calm. It's bittersweet and wonderful all at once. Although my things are closest to my heart, I feel a fog of distance circling my feet, rising slowly, cold and bare. I feel myself missing them, already, as I pull them closer to me. I want to gather my lovely photographs and place them gently inside my heart,wrapped in safe affection and familiar, locking the door safely. I want to take the key and place it into my own pocket so I will always have access to my beautiful things, my loves, my familiar...whenever I want to or need to. But I can't. Right now, I just can't. Of course, to stay would be my safe harbor. I would remain rooted in the garden I have always grown in, knowing that there will always be sunshine for me to flourish and bloom. If I stayed. But I am leaving. I am uprooting from the garden I have always grown in. Some of my roots twist and bend, unknowing and unsure. Other roots gently form and embrace, ready and awaiting.
My heart has never felt so sure, so compelled, so complete. I feel as though fear is following me, keeping a watchful stare on me, ready to pounce at any stumble. But I look behind at that fear ,although still trailing behind me, I am walking ahead. This time, I feel the push, the pull, the force of my heart moving me forward. All my beautiful things poke and prod at me, at my sadness, and I turn my head to look back at them with intention and doubt. But my heart interrupts, gently grabbing me by the chin moving my head forward whispering, "keep going, I'm waiting".
This is different and new. I look outside myself and all these walls of my new world are unfolding, and creating beautiful shapes and patterns. All the colors are brilliant and bold, melting into my eyes trickling down into my heart. I can taste the air on my tongue, full of new dreams and promises. The ground under my feet shifts and forms creating my foundation. The wind dances along my skin and absorbs into my core. The endless sky seems to open up, just for me.
This world is new, this is mine.
My beautiful things, my photographs along the walls of my soul, my familiar...will always be right where they have always been. Gently wrapped in safe affection and familiar, adorn along the walls inside my heart. But I am not locking the door and the key is not mine to hold. I am leaving the door of my heart open, where I shall come back to time and time again, when I am feeling uncertain or longing for them. I will hold them close as I always have, embracing, comforting and relating. I understand now that all my cherished beautiful things are forever mine to hold, forever mine to keep, forever mine to love, no matter how far away I may go. I have come to understand that, as I leave and move forward on my journey, all my beautiful things are still...right there with me always. In this understanding I find my calm, my familiar, my safe harbor.
...I am ready...
